Developing Emotional Intelligence by Pastor Alex Okpara
If you are a spiritual giant but are not emotionally intelligent, Satan will still deal with you. One of the things that hinders our fruitfulness as youths is our emotions. Emotions emanate from the mind and the mind is divided into 3 major parts.
1) The conscious mind
2) The subconscious mind
3) The unconscious mind
The major part of the mind is the subconscious mind and this is where our emotions come from. Emotions are strong feelings stirred up by circumstances, mood or situations. There are positive and negative emotions.
Intelligence is the ability to acquire skill and apply it.
Know that emotions have the ability to change or utter our gene, and there are various types of emotions. They are fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, joy, exceptions, anticipation, love, guilt, pride, boredom, jealousy, interest, satisfaction, sorrow, confusion, hatred, etc.
Let’s see Rom. 12:2, the Amplified version. It reads ‘’And do not be conformed to this world any longer with its superficial values and customs, but be transformed and progressively changed as you mature spiritually by the renewing of your mind, focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes, so that you may prove for yourselves what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect in His plan and purpose for you.’’
Note the phrase progressively changed. If you are maturing spiritually and are not growing emotionally and intelligently, you are heading for destruction.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, use and manage your emotions in a positive way to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathies with others, resolve disputes and overcome conflicts.
WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
It has been proven scientifically that our emotions drive our behaviour.
1) We need emotional intelligence because it helps us personally to drive our behaviour aright and not behave in a negative or destructive way
2) It helps us on better and proper way to relate with others – Prov. 18:24; 15:1, Col. 4:6
Note that when you are emotionally intelligent, you will know better how to speak with others.
Now let’s consider how to develop emotional intelligence
To develop emotional intelligence;
1) Identify your negative emotions. This means label them, if it is anger, resentment, jealousy, unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, etc. After identifying them, score them. This means, know how often you express or manifest these negative emotions. Here, I would like to recommend one of the books of the bishop titles Self-Conscious Living Man. The bishop wrote in that book that you are a king and as a king, you have power over your domain. Thus you have the power and authority to master and rule over negative emotions. He also said in that book that negative emotions not properly managed will drive you to a strange land. This means that when you allow negative emotions to rule you, the end results will be catastrophic
2) Reject, destroy and kill them. Now, another book by the bishop I like to recommend is Prophetic Engineering. The bishop wrote in that book and likened emotions to seeds. And you know that seeds are usually sown. Genetically, we receive seeds of emotions from our parent. If you are someone who is always very angry, look at your parent, there is every possibility that you must have gotten that trait of anger from either of them or both.
The bishop said also in that book what you think determines the seed you nurture and the negative emotions you manifest is the kind of life you will live. Still on that book, he said also that Satan is a gene manipulator. Now have you noticed that there were some negative emotions you were not having before but after sometime, you discovered you had developed them? This confirms the above thought.
3) Know your identity. Knowing your identity helps you manage your emotions; it helps you behave well. The bishop said in his book, Prophetic Engineering that the person who knows who he is will not accept just anything, including negative emotions or negative words spoken over him from others.
4) Mind your words
Let me help someone. If you are an angry person and are not able to control or manage your anger, the very first step to the solution is to identify it. Going further, identify the things that trigger that emotion of anger, in other words, know what always make you angry or very angry. Another step is to talk to a mentor or someone you know can help you. Remember Rom 12:2 says … be transformed and progressively changed as you mature spiritually by the renewing of your mind… Do it by constantly, diligently and daily practicing how not to react to the emotions of anger but responding in a proper and better way, you will overcome it